Choices
Lately I've been thinking a lot about choices. Life is just the collective result of the choices we make. In the words of a song I loved growing up "I'm the one who writes my own story. I decide the person I'll be." So true it is! Life may also be full of unexpected twists and turns, but by and large we are the ones in charge of where our life goes and how we choose to deal with it.
The problem is, sometimes we don't always know what we want...which leads me to all of my pondering on choices lately. I am blessed with a happy life for the most part. I started working a few nights a week to help bring in some extra money last year when things got sour financially (remember my blog posts about the car last November???) and for the most part I have enjoyed it and am grateful for it. However, there have been many times that I couldn't help but think 'if I am planning on working, why not get a "real" job in my field and use my degree and mad skills?' But nothing really came my way until recently.
My dream job for when the kiddos are older is to work as the marketing and PR lady for one of the colleges at the University of Kentucky...preferably Brian's - the College of Health Sciences. Well, when they contacted me to say that the job was opening up and they were wondering if I was interested I couldn't help but say YES! I dusted off my resume, writing samples and wrote a kickin cover letter. It worked. I had a phone interview last week. Then today I was notified that I was one of their top candidates for the job and they wanted me to come in for an interview next week. Right on!! ...right???
Well, over the last few weeks as I've been thinking about it and talking it over with Brian I would go from wildy excited to wildly stressed. I played out just about every scenario/pro/con. Then finally today, when faced with having to reply back about the interview I decided that I was only prepared to work part time, if that, and that if they were still interested in me great, but knew that most likely that would be the end of the road. It was. Choice made.
I have to admit, part of me is sad. Right job, wrong timing. Maybe it would fit in another few years. Maybe, maybe not. But today I made the choice to be a mother. I know not all women have the ability to stay home and I am blessed to have the choice. I enjoy trying to be a great mom (trying is the key word there) and even though I might be better at writing press releases than I am at being a mom sometimes, when given the choice I choose my kids. They are still young and incredibly moldable. Plus, I am a woman of limited energy and I know myself well enough to know that taking such a position at this time would spread me too thin and make me stressed and grumpy (not the mother I was striving to be). It's too bad I can't just go to work on the days my kids are driving me nuts!
Perhaps the time will come when the ratios have changed and it will be just what is right for all of us. But for now, I'll continue working my night job, because it is enough. I may have talents I'm keeping on the back burner for now, but I am also developing others that I hope will bless me and my family for the rest of our lives.
Decisions are not always easy. In my case, I wish I could have the best of both worlds, but they are not the options before me. So, for now, I'm going with what my gut says. There will always be time for career, but not always time with my kiddos. Choice made, and I'm happy with it.
The problem is, sometimes we don't always know what we want...which leads me to all of my pondering on choices lately. I am blessed with a happy life for the most part. I started working a few nights a week to help bring in some extra money last year when things got sour financially (remember my blog posts about the car last November???) and for the most part I have enjoyed it and am grateful for it. However, there have been many times that I couldn't help but think 'if I am planning on working, why not get a "real" job in my field and use my degree and mad skills?' But nothing really came my way until recently.
My dream job for when the kiddos are older is to work as the marketing and PR lady for one of the colleges at the University of Kentucky...preferably Brian's - the College of Health Sciences. Well, when they contacted me to say that the job was opening up and they were wondering if I was interested I couldn't help but say YES! I dusted off my resume, writing samples and wrote a kickin cover letter. It worked. I had a phone interview last week. Then today I was notified that I was one of their top candidates for the job and they wanted me to come in for an interview next week. Right on!! ...right???
Well, over the last few weeks as I've been thinking about it and talking it over with Brian I would go from wildy excited to wildly stressed. I played out just about every scenario/pro/con. Then finally today, when faced with having to reply back about the interview I decided that I was only prepared to work part time, if that, and that if they were still interested in me great, but knew that most likely that would be the end of the road. It was. Choice made.
I have to admit, part of me is sad. Right job, wrong timing. Maybe it would fit in another few years. Maybe, maybe not. But today I made the choice to be a mother. I know not all women have the ability to stay home and I am blessed to have the choice. I enjoy trying to be a great mom (trying is the key word there) and even though I might be better at writing press releases than I am at being a mom sometimes, when given the choice I choose my kids. They are still young and incredibly moldable. Plus, I am a woman of limited energy and I know myself well enough to know that taking such a position at this time would spread me too thin and make me stressed and grumpy (not the mother I was striving to be). It's too bad I can't just go to work on the days my kids are driving me nuts!
Perhaps the time will come when the ratios have changed and it will be just what is right for all of us. But for now, I'll continue working my night job, because it is enough. I may have talents I'm keeping on the back burner for now, but I am also developing others that I hope will bless me and my family for the rest of our lives.
Decisions are not always easy. In my case, I wish I could have the best of both worlds, but they are not the options before me. So, for now, I'm going with what my gut says. There will always be time for career, but not always time with my kiddos. Choice made, and I'm happy with it.
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