Reflections at Age 36

Recently I ran into someone I haven’t seen in probably 10 years – myself!  Over the last week or so I have been full of energy , happiness, and full of promise of what the future holds – something I haven’t felt to this degree in a long, long, very long time.  Don’t get me wrong – I haven’t been sitting around boo hooing for 10 years.  I’ve done quite well and had tons of enjoyable times.  But for the last 6 years or so I’ve struggled with my thyroid and anemia and the intense amount of fatigue both diseases can bring.  It creeps up on you like a slowly boiling pot of water.

You think you’re fine and gradually get accustomed to feeling tired and lightheaded every day.  Then daily naps become the norm, even though you’re not the napping type.  Caffeinated beverages don’t even take the edge off anymore and you notice you’re a little overly emotional in not such a good way.  You’re so faint that you wouldn’t be surprised if you passed out just strolling around town.   You find yourself withdrawing from friends and family because you simply don’t have the energy left.  Some days it is a struggle just to make it from A to B – but you do it.  I did it.  I just thought it must be part of getting older and having kids. 

I plugged along as best I could until one day last December when I decided that this was a completely unacceptable way for me to live.  I wasn’t 89 and didn’t want to live the rest of my life this way.  I missed me.  I missed the girl that had energy for 3 people.   It was nature’s cruel joke on me.  So Brian and I went to talk to my doctor.   After running more tests, she upped my thyroid meds, prescribed me 8x the iron I was previously taking and some vitamin D, and miracle of all miracles I started to feel better. 

I felt a little pang of joy when I walked up the stairs from Grant’s preschool without feeling foggy and lightheaded.  I celebrated when I made it through a day without a nap or caffeine.  I was overjoyed to wake up after 8 hours of sleep and not feel like I still needed 3 more.  I was full of gratitude to have energy to play with my kids or to even cook dinner a few nights in a row.   That was January and February. 

Then March hit and after about 8 weeks of doing my supplement cocktails I found myself again.  I have had the most wonderful wave of energy come into my life.  I have accomplished more in this last week or so than I literally did in months last year.  I have lists and ideas and dreams again.  I’m back!  I’m hopeful that this is here to stay and with the right tools I can keep it this way. 

I have learned that sometimes life is hard and there are lessons to learn.  But this has taught me that sometimes life is great, but you’re just tired.  Too tired to enjoy it.  Too tired to fully live it.  I’m so grateful for this fresh start to a new year for me.  Who knows what I will or won’t accomplish until my next birthday, but at least I won’t be sleep-walking through it!